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*This is the continuation of our journey to get pregnant. For Part I, go here.
Though thoroughly grief stricken by the news, as my doctor said, "You will never have children," I was overwhelmed by the love and support Lou showed me. I was still excited for a future together, because I knew Lou would be in it and everything else would fall into place. Things would be alright, as long as we were together.
I did my homework on PCOS. I learned a lot, holistically, about nutrition. I stopped thinking of my situation as unfair, and saw it more of a greater challenge to overcome. Was it fair I couldn't eat like a normal person and my imbalances led to infertility? No, not at all. But there are far greater trials that others endure. I focused on my self, and learned to listen to my body. (And I tried very hard to pass up the homemade pasta my Italian fiance cooked up). Weight dropped, not easily, but with hard work, determination, cardio, and a whole lot of sugar snap peas. I lost about 20 pounds prior to our wedding. My skin was clearer, and my periods were regular and did not leave me vomiting and in debilitating pain as they previously had, and I had more energy.
When we got married, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally in the best place of my life.
We talked about my condition, and about using birth control. (I had been on it because the progesterone helps to regulate the cysts). Given my PCOS, and damaged organs, we decided that we would leave a child up to fate. I would try to continue to take care of my condition naturally. Maybe children would come, maybe they wouldn't, but either way Louis and I would face what would come, together.
About three months after our wedding I was feeling miserable. I won't lie, the honeymoon definitely did impact my lifestyle, old habits die hard. I struggled when I got back to get back on the bandwagon. I thought I was managing alright with the modified diet and exercise, but my acne was back with vengeance and the weight was coming back. My period was 8 weeks late, but I was no stranger to that, often going several months without my friend Flo. My period was so irregular that in college I frequently went to the school nurse to get medication to force my period to come. They would do a blood test confirming I wasn't pregnant then give me a shot to force menstruation. I was expecting the same thing from my current doctor. I took several (at least half a dozen) pee-pregnancy tests anyway, because I am neurotic like that. All negative. Of course they were. I "could never get pregnant," as my doctor so bluntly told me. So I went back to the doctor for the shot.
Again, I took a blood test. The next day I received a phone call at my desk.
I was pregnant.
I was shocked.
I was overwhelmed with gratitude that I could have a baby.
I was terrified because I was so confident I couldn't get pregnant, I had still been drinking.
I was overwhelmed, excited, happy, scared, and couldn't wait to tell Lou.
I had gotten the call late in the afternoon, on May 29, 2014, the anniversary of the day Lou proposed. He had already surprised me with flowers and a card, so after work I raced to pick up a card. Instead of a 'happy anniversary' card, I chose a 'happy father's day card.' I was all nerves and excitement as I drove home to tell him the news.
It's important to note that Louis had his wisdom tooth removed that day, after dropping off my gift. His mother dropped him off at home and that's where he was waiting for me, thoroughly medicated up. It was in this state, in delirious confusion, I gave him the card. As I waited for his feedback I nervously held my belly, as if I could give him his daughter now. After several moments of nothing, I asked, "So what do you think about becoming a dad so quickly?"
That got his dazed attention, I could see some of the focus coming back to his eyes as he looked at me and said, "What?? Really?!"
He broke out in a wide green and hugged me hard and said, "We got this."
It may not have been how we planned it, but then again, when is it really ever our plan? And now, we cannot be more excited to meet her. Our daughter. In 76 short days!
Patty
