Dear Daughter

Dear Daughter,

My beautiful, powerful, intelligent, funny, incredible girl. Your father and I feel lucky beyond words that you exist, and will be coming into our world. There are so many things I wish for you. I often think of how to balance shielding you from the world, and letting you experience it. I know I'm going to want to shield the world from you, and all of it's insensitive, cruel ways; full of evil and deceit and hurt. But then I believe that these are necessary evils, that learning about people and being exposed to things you do not want to be like, is important for you to develop who you want to be. You will need to see who you do NOT want to become. Because, my dear, there will be ugliness in you too, it is in everyone, but you will need to know how to deal with it, overcome it, and how to become a better person by not succumbing to it. I don't want to shelter you from these hardships, but rather provide you the tools for navigating these situations, individuals, and yourself. But please know, there will always be a safe harbor with your dad and I for you to come home to.

Your father and I will do the best to instill the virtues we value the most - righteousness, morality, prudence, temperance, integrity, empathy, compassion, nobility, humility, charity, kindness, diligence, and, if there's time, patience. We want you to love, with all your heart. To respect yourself, and others. To do the honest and right thing. To not be greedy and express charity. To always value your intelligence, and use it as your greatest tool, as well as greatest toy. To value others and help when you can and are able. To know your worth, and help others to see theirs as well.

There are going to be many temptations along the way, and many roads that will be easier to take. If your father and I raise you as we hope to, you will be able to navigate these hard decisions to do the right thing. I promise you, the right thing will always feel better in your soul.

I promise always to be your parent first. I make no promises about being the cool mom, buying you all the clothes and toys you want, likely I'll be forcing you to eat vegetables, play outside, turning off the tv, and calling to check up on you. But know I am doing everything I am out of love. But I do promise to make sure you are warm and nourished - mind, body, and soul, to the best that I am able.

I am so excited about our adventures together, and who you will become. I wonder every day - What hobbies will you have? What will you do with your life? What color eyes will you have? What will be your favorite book, song, and movie? And what little idiosyncrasies that you will have; the little oddities that truly shape a person.

You have already changed me so much. Of course having a child means being responsible for another life, but, before you, I didn't realize how much more important it is to be responsible for my own life. Not that I was completely irresponsible, per say, but I had a disregard and rather a disrespect for my own body and life for a long time. You've already taught me so much about treating my body better. As a woman, and a person really, there is so much pressure to be thin and sexy and the extremes to which I fought for those superficial things was not healthy. Since you, I have had to treat you, and, as a byproduct, my body, well. And while I will be the first to admit (to literally anyone who asks) that I have not really enjoyed the ailments that come with being pregnant, there are several things I've really liked. I no longer want to pump myself full of caffeine and alcohol, and keep a very restricted caloric intake. I no longer hate my body for existing in a shape that I don't want. I am, in many ways, proud of it for creating you. I haven't gained much weight with you, but I've learned to listen to my body and what it (or I suppose you!) have been craving. I hope I can keep this healthy mindset after you are born, for both of our sakes! I will promise to try my hardest so that we both have a healthy body image.

Oh, my girl, there are so many things to say, but so many more to see, hear, and appreciate. I can only hope we have a lifetime together to share them with each other, with your father, with your grandparents and aunts, and your furbaby siblings.

But oh, dear daughter, won't you please come soon?? I'd like to start enjoying these things with you on the outside sooner rather than later! (But bake away, if you must, I understand that too.)

Love,

Patty

37 Weeks

How far along are you? 37 weeks exactly, yay for my iphone photos, right?

Cravings: Just lots of water. Re-introducing spicy foods, pineapple juice, dates, raspberry leaf tea, and anything else that is supposed to induce labor...commencing...now! 

Weight Gain: Right around 15 lbs. I definitely have a 'don't tell me the actual number' policy with the nurses. They just tell me what I've gained. I can do the math, I don't need to hear it out loud. If you say it out loud, it's real.

Stretch Marks: Ugh. Yes. 

Favorite moment this week: When Lou said, "I hope she gets my toes." The things we talk about! He also told me about how he read about uterine massages. I love that he is so supportive, and I fall so much more deeply in love with him than I ever knew was possible when he says and does things like that. (He also says things like "I can't wait until you're not pregnant anymore so I don't have to listen to you." He's joking of course, trying to get reaction out of me. It works ;)) 

Fears:  I just am so eager to meet her, and I just want to know she is as healthy as possible. I won't be able to let go of this crippling anxiety I've had since May that I've somehow messed her up in there. I'm sure I'll get a whole new set of anxieties, but it will, God willing, hopefully be nice to let this one go.

General mood: Impatient! Anxious. Excited. 

Sleep: Not really, though Lou is giving me the full bed most nights and camping on the couch, which has helped considerably. I miss him though :-(

Things I was surprised by: How surreal it all still feels.

Things I am most looking forward to: Seeing a new little piece of Louis running around. I can't wait to see our pets with her, either!

What I think is really cool and crazy: That there is actually life inside me right now. That I'll get to meet her soon. It doesn't feel real.

Wedding Ring on or off:  Still on, after baby weight (and honey moon weight, and Patty gluttony weight, is off, I'm going to get it resized)

Food Aversions: Unfortunately a lot. It's not so much that I don't like things or they don't taste good. It's that my body doesn't like them and I throw them back up. Bland has been the theme of this pregnancy.  

Maternity Clothes: Oh yes. Gym clothes too. Mostly black.  

Gender: A little lady :) 

Nursery:  Yes, owls and foxes. I revealed most of it here.

Please little baby girl, think about coming a week or so early? I want to meet you so bad!

Patty